Planning for after 80: Navigating Uncharted Territory with Gratitude

There is a stage of life most of us never talk about.

It is the one stage if of life,





the living of it




, that becomes less predictable..

We all know intellectually that we won’t be able to do as much the older we get. But most don’t actually believe it. Not really. Can you hear your parents saying, “Just let me get a good night sleep and I will be able to





do that





tomorrow.”

But that feeling of waking up more energized and sharper doesn't happen as easily or frequently, not like when we were younger.

These unwanted changes just seem to happen. Decision making takes a bit longer. Friends disappear from the dinner table. Driving and the independence it provides is no longer possible. The beloved house becomes impossible to manage. Conversations one easy, become a bit confusing.

Finding gratitude when the "easy" becomes hard, or options disappear, can be a challenge. Life is not the same. Grief and a sense of loss can set in making the days run one into the other leaving many to think, "why bother."

Then something unexpected happens.




Gratitude and even Joy floods in like sun breaking through the clouds, warming the face and the soul.

What Eightysomethings Can Teach Us About Happiness

Psychologist Dr. Katharine Esty entered her eighties wondering what this unfamiliar stage of life would hold. She ultimately interviewed 128 people in their eighties and 26 adult children for her book,





Eightysomethings: A Practical Guide to Letting Go, Aging Well, and Finding Unexpected Happiness




. (




Katharine Esty




)

One of her striking findings was that many people were flourishing despite significant losses and transitions in their eighties.

Grief and joy she found, are not opposites as many assume. These two along with gratitude appear as they will, sometimes in the very same moment. Think about attending a funeral viewing. Many of us have witnessed group of old friends reminiscing about old times and having a full on belly laugh, experiencing the Joy of a passsed event, even while tears flow.

Research also suggests that moments of humor, gratitude, nostalgia, and connection can help soften distress and give loss meaning rather than erase it. (




Psychology Today: When Grief Meets Joy




)

It is all a matter of where we place our attention. The routines we pursue, things as simple as bringing a smile to someone else, can gently help us see what is still good, meaningful, and worth appreciating.

• 
  
  
  A familiar morning routine, favorite chair, or first cup of coffee
  
  
  
• 
  
  
  A phone call or visit with children and grandchildren
  
  
  
• 
  
  
  Music, books, gardening, pets, faith, hobbies, or traditions that still feel familiar
  
  
  
• 
  
  
  Visiting with caregiver, neighbor, friend, or family member
  
  
  
• 
  
  
  Watching the changing leaves fall and simply enjoying a beautiful day
  
  
  
• 
  
  
  Passing along stories, family history, and values
  
  
  
• 
  
  
  Simply appreciate what is happening right now
  
  
  

Gratitude from Letting Go?

In some ways, there may be something freeing about reaching the point where tomorrow is less certain.

The question slowly changes from





“What else should I accomplish?”





to





“What actually matters to me today?”

But how is possible for an eighty-year old (savagely independent for their whole life) to willingly accept help without feeling diminished and less valuable. Possibly by looking a little further ahead and planning for each of this season of life as it is.

This is where Elder Law planning can help the whole family understand what could be coming and walk them through uncertainty by creating controls that put guardrails in place making navigating this uncharted territory more smooth. Thus allowing the family to remain connected and focus on living the stage of life together.

In Planning, Gratitude can be created.

One of the most loving things an aging parent can do is make care decisions for themselves and if possible put resources in place before a crisis forces someone else, like an unprepared adult child, to step in make decisions for them.

Deciding ahead of time...is a blessing to them.

Where would you want to live if living alone became unsafe? Who should help manage money? What kind of care would you prefer? How would that care be paid for? What happens if years of long-term care begin consuming the assets you hoped to leave your children or grandchildren?

The Elder Law Planning process helps aging adults walk through these types of questions with confidence knowing that there are legal tools that can make their wishes and most importantly the way they want to live in this season, possible. With elder law planning everyone is taken care of, both those needing care and those providing care and direction when necessary.

Systematically walking the questions.

An Elder Law Attorney, unlike an estate only attorney, helps families walk through these questions and then strategizes with out about the legal tools help these directives and wishes be carried out. They can include care direction, caregiver agreements, Powers of Attorney, long-term care planning, asset-preservation strategies and even pre-Medicaid planning should it be necessary.

This type of planning goes beyond who does what. It is designed to preserve choices where possible, provide resources for care and family, and make sure the family/caregivers understands





all of the wishes





should financial resources be depleted or new out of scope decisions become necessary.

Is your family heading in this direction?

Attend our next





Legacy Care Event





to learn more about navigating aging, care and the legal decisions ahead, or schedule a personalized appointment with Silvas Law to discuss your family's situation.

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Silvas Law is a Personal Family Lawyer® firm, we know the value of planning for the future.




And we know the value of planning for the life you want today and the legacy that extends far beyond your assets.

This article is a service of Tammy Silvas, founder of Silvas Law, PC, a Personal Family Lawyer® Firm in Grapevine, Texas. With over 25 years of practicing law and certification through the Elder Law College, Tammy brings real depth to every case she and her team handle.










Beyond drafting legal documents, Tammy and her team walk clients through informed, empowered decisions about life and death, for themselves and the people they love. That is why Silvas Law offers a Life & Legacy Planning Session™, a chance to get more financially organized and make the right long term choices for your family. To schedule a session, call the office today at (817) 264-7447.

Some of this content is sourced from Personal Family Lawyer® for use by Personal Family Lawyer




®





firms, a source believed to be providing accurate information. This material was created for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as ERISA, tax, legal, or investment advice. If you are seeking legal advice specific to your needs, such advice services must be obtained on your own separate from this educational material.